Getting married was one of the best things I ever did! I know I am so lucky to have found a partner in life – in good and bad times – to share the joy, the fun, the work, the child-rearing, and, yes, the money!
We may be a smidge unusual as I run our financial operations (actually, if we are being honest I run most of our household operations, but that’s a post for another time!). At any rate, I think it is extremely important for both partners to have a solid understanding of the household finances, a shared vision for the future, and the willingness to talk about the way to get from point A (where we are) to point B (where we want to be).
In my experience with clients, the hardest part about talking money with your future spouse is getting started. If it hasn’t really come up while you dated, it may feel weird to pause between bites of dinner and bust out “how much money do you make?” or “do you have any credit card debt?” or “do you think we’ll have to help your parents out with money when they get older?” So, my first suggestion is to acknowledge that this can feel weird, but set up a time to do it anyway. I recommend clients do this at a time and place that feels inviting, with a decent amount of advance notice, and maybe even with some mutually agreed upon homework. If a glass of wine is your thing, add that. If it seems more inviting with a lovely coffee or after a walk in the woods, set it up so you both feel focused, prepared, open, and connected to each other.
So, here are some topics for couples who are planning their nuptials to consider:
- How much money do you each make?
- Are you currently saving and/or investing?
- Do you have debt? If so, what kind and how much?
- Do you have other family members who may impact your finances? This can be to the good (a rich uncle? parents who may be willing to help pay for your potential future kids’ education?) or challenging (parents who may need financial support as they get older, alimony or child support obligations).
- How do you feel about money?
- Is there any reason to consider a prenuptial agreement?
- A prenuptial agreement is a written contract that states what a couple about to get married has decided they want to happen to their property in the event that the marriage ends (by divorce or the death of one of the parties).
- Reasons it can be prudent to consider a prenup:
- If there are children from a previous relationship
- if there is a wide disparity in wealth between the two partners (either because one has a lot more assets or because one has a lot more debt
- when one partner owns a business
- If one partner plans to be a stay-at-home parent
- What if there’s not enough time to do it properly? You can also do a postnuptial agreement, which is pretty much the same thing but once you are already married – it’s a contract established between a married couple that establishes how to divide marital property and financial interests in the event of death or divorce.
Do you think it is unromantic to discuss finances? Do you think it will make you more likely to get divorced? If your relationship can’t survive financial talk before marriage, it most likely won’t survive the challenges of married life (financial and otherwise), so you may as well have at it! Having difficult conversations is a skill that you can get better at with practice. Give it a try and let us know how it goes!